“Don’t worry, i’m with lynn and tricia. have a good night, i’ll see you tomorrow babe” I text him. God he’s fucking clingy. Who cares if he just graduated and I’m only about to be a junior? That doesn’t mean he’s it for me. I just turned sixteen, after all. And quite honestly, I’m already so fed up with what I’ve seen in this world so far.
I have been cutting myself for the last couple of years, like a fucking idiot. Some weeks more than others, sometimes in obvious places because i’m sick and like to watch the way people react to the scars. They know exactly what those wounds mean, but most people just turn away. It’s pretty brutal, honestly, how we can all just go through this life acting like looking away makes terrible things disappear. Again – i’m fucking sick of it all.
That’s why I decided to go out with Lynn and Tricia tonight. They understand the rage against this bullshit system: after school activities, pep rallies, and standardized tests. They actually see the faults for what they are. Plus, they know how to have a good time. So that’s what we were on our way to do tonight – to have a damn good time. Tricia met some guy online and they had met up to smoke before, so we know it was going to chill. Nothing to worry about.
Pot was never really a thing I saw myself doing, but now that sophomore year is over, I’m a full blown stoner. This summer, Lynn, Tricia, and I have spent a lot of time finding different places in the hills to smoke weed. Lynn has long beautiful blonde hair that straight up glows in the summer sun. She is pale white and sometimes, when I’m super baked, I imagine that I’m being driven around by an angel. Tricia has short brown hair and a body that she knows how to use. She is the one constantly pushing me over the edge. I’m awkward. Long hair, long legs, absolutely uncomfortable in my own skin. But they just brought me under their wing, a year older than me, and showed me the ropes toward becoming a different person, a new Lucy.
When I met Tricia in class last year, I was tired of Sunday school, soccer practice, and pretending like this world isn’t a piece of shit. So we started hanging out, and I was glad to leave it all behind. All my friends judged the hell out of me last year, but it’s been months now and I don’t really care anymore.
Tonight is the first time I am going out to a party that isn’t full of my boyfriends senior friends. Dan is great, and he treats me like a queen, but he thinks I walk on water. I’m not the person that he thinks I am. Parties are starting to get a little dull with him there; appearing suddenly when I’m dancing and other guys start to notice, or reminding me not to smoke too many cigarettes, and to drink water. it’s fucking obnoxious. He doesn’t understand the self hatred and anger that I’m harboring. He can’t see how I’m closer to losing it each day.
Tonight is going to be different. I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I know that Lynn and Tricia won’t say shit to anyone because that’s just the kind of girls we are.
Ultimately, I know exactly what I’m here for: to get fucked. Dan and I have been together for almost two years, and we’ve fooled around, but I haven’t had sex with him yet. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s too perfect for me and I’m worried he’ll get too attached. Either way, it was time for me to get laid.
Before I know it, I’m being led into a mobile home by a few guys I don’t recognize. Doesn’t seem like a great party, but whatever. Inside, there’s barely any furniture and everything has a stench of smoke and dirt to it. I look around and notice a tall dark haired guy sulking in the corner of the kitchen.
“’Sup, Paul!” some guy in a red t-shirt and Dickies says to the tall guy.
“’Sup” he says back, taking cigarettes out of his pocket. Marlboro 27′s. Good taste. He scans past the Dickies guy and looks at Lynn and Tricia. Lynn nods her head and waves, playing it cool like always. Tricia walks up to Paul and hugs him, thanking him for letting us be there. I don’t say anything because most guys stop at Lynn and Tricia, and I usually find my way to the booze asap.
One of the other guys, in a black v-neck and black pants, starts playing music. Sounds like some random hip hop artist I don’t recognize, but the buzz of the bass instantly makes things less awkward. He has semi-long hair that covers his forehead, a strong jawline, and you can tell he skateboards by his shoes. Must be Marvin, Tricia’s guy. Her type to the tee.
As everyone starts to mingle, and other random people begin to trickle in, I hunt for the liquor. Soon, I notice that the alcohol is being served by Paul, so I walk to him, arm and cup extended.
“Anything for the poor?” I ask him with a smile, shaking my cup at him. Fuck it, he is cute after all. Green eyes. Yum.
He smirks. “I might have something for you somewhere.” He reaches for the tequila and begins to make me a drink. I notice his broad shoulders, and the fact that he’s actually a lot taller than I realized earlier.
I’m wearing short khaki shorts (like literally half my ass hanging out) and a black crop top so my belly and breasts are showing as well. Normally, I would never wear anything this revealing, but Tricia said that I’ve spent most of my life being a soccer player, and that I need to start taking advantage of the body it’s given me. I can tell that Paul would agree with her by the way he is looking at me.
He hands me the drink, and I reach for it. He pulls away, “Ah, not so simple, beggar.” He flashes a big smile. Okay, that’s it. “Maybe a simple round of truth or dare to receive your drink?”. He looks me dead in the eyes, mischievous as hell. Fuck it.
“Okay, fine.” I say. “But, you’re completely wrong if you think I’m going to tell you anything about myself. So dare. Obviously.”
He looks ecstatic, like he was hoping I would say that. “Excellent. I dare you to take this molly with me.” He opens his palm and shows me two white pills. He wiggles his fingers a little when I don’t respond right away. “So?” he asks. “What do you think?”
I’ve never done molly, but I’ve seen my friends do it several times. I’m not sure why, but before I know it, I’m reaching for the pill. I look up at him. “Well, I’m going to need my drink in order to take this down”, I say to him. He smiles and hands me my drink. He picks his cup up, and we cheer.
Ecstasy was definitely not on my to do list for the night, but I take it and begin to drink a few mixed drinks with Paul. Soon, Lynn is there, also getting a drink and I tell her we had taken a molly. Paul immediately brandishes a new one and offers it to Lynn, palm outstretched.
She takes it without a drop of hesitation, and then begins to take shots. “Fuck yeah!” she yells, beginning to dance, running her fingers through her blonde hair.
She’s always surprising me, because most of the time she’s sort of quiet, but then when you get to know her, she’s a fucking tornado. We have a lot in common that way.
I look over at Paul, beginning to feel the liquor really set in. I also start dancing, occasionally looking at him and biting my lip. Moving ever so slowly, closer to him. He just bobs his head and watches me, sipping his drink. Pretty soon, I’m about a foot away from him, dancing but not touching him. I act like I am going to lean into him, but instead I reach around him, and grab the Jose Cuervo. Sometimes, I can be good at this.
The glass bottle gleams in the air as I drink straight from it. This time, when I try to return the bottle smoothly around him, Paul grabs my hips and pulls me up against the counter. Pressing his body against mine, swaying his hips to the music. God this feels good. Nothing has ever actually felt this good before. Is this the molly? We stay like that for awhile, just running our hands on each other’s bodies.
Soon, I’m leading Paul down the hall to an empty room. Lynn happens to notice, and follows us inside. I push Paul onto the bed and straddle him, feeling his body under mine. I continue to grind my hips against his body, in time to the music. I don’t think he minds. Soon, Lynn is kneeling next me and starts pulling me away from him… okay? “What are you doing Lynn? We’re busy”.
She grabs my waist and pulls me close. “I just want to make sure you have the best time possible.” She whispers into my ear. “You need to kiss him like you fucking mean it. Like this,” with one arm pulling my ass into her body, and another one grabbing my neck, she forcefully kisses me. And, she like, fully devours me. I feel her tongue in my mouth, her hand squeezing my ass, and her fingers tighten around my throat all at the same time.
Holy shit, Lynn. I have never been kissed like this. I feel electrocuted, and instantly I feel my pussy get wet. Is this the molly? She lets go, and grins at me.
“See what I mean? Make him lose his fucking mind, Lucy. Nothing matters anyway.” She gets up and walks out of the room, yelling when she gets to the hallway: “Shots bitches!!!”. People cheer in response.
I turn to look at Paul. I could feel every part of me vibrating. His cock pulsing under me, his hands running over my breasts, pulling my nipples. I could see his hunger for me.
Holy shit, Lynn was right. This feeling is all that matters. Fuck Dan, fuck school, fuck church, and apparently, fuck being straight. Who cares who I fuck, what I smoke, what drugs I do?
This feeling is fucking amazing.